Printed from The Velvet Peacock on Tue, September 07, 2010 - 7:42:07

Living with Chronic Pain

A day in the life of a chronic pain sufferer. A journey written for my healing and maybe help for some one else as well.

For about 5 years I have been suffering with muscle and nerve pain off and on, at times very severe and hard to do most normal tasks. The pain has escalated in about the last year. It is difficult to pinpoint a distinct area in my body and makes it difficult to describe, therefore difficult to treat. Doctors often looked at me like I was crazy or a hypochondriac. I had been told several years ago that I had chronic nerve damage in my leg probably from a car accident, but I really think that key diagnosis help to prevent any further investigation of what I was going through. On top of that I was experiencing kidney and bladder infections frequently which made my diagnosis even more difficult. I was usually treated with antibiotics and pain pills and sent on my merry way, only to return some times just weeks later. When you know your body and you know something is not right, but no one has an answer why you suffer that much, it’s torturous.

On a all too familiar trip to the emergency room, I was wrenching in pain, but was blessed with a doctor who actually described some reasons why I might be going through this. Though what we discussed that night was not at all what I have, he was the doctor that got the ball rolling and I will never forget him. I then went to see a urologist who over time did several tests, but that too yielded nothing conclusive. What happened next, well that was my miracle.

I was referred to a clinic in San Francisco, I went on once again to describe my symptoms, but believing this too was a waste of my time. The feeling like I am being dragged down or compressing, very thick and heavy. I have muscle pain in my thighs and lower abdomen so grueling almost day in and day out. I feel like someone has my insides in a vice grip and slowly it is tightening. The jerking in my hands and arms are increasing daily and even walking has become a task. Almost as if every muscle is in a cramp and it is worse at night. I rarely sleep good due to pain and always feel fatigued. I suffer frequent headaches (Migraines) and neck pain.

This doctor really listened and examined me and my history very closely. After this she proceeded to explain what I had. “Myofascial - a Neuromuscular Disease or CMP”. I was going through exactly what she was describing down to the smallest detail. Mere words can not express the joy to finally have a diagnosis and to find out that there were others going through the same things I was. It appears almost like Fibromyalgia, but this disease troubles a whole muscle group and the lining that covers the muscles, and actually changes the cell structure over time. And of coarse it is a vicious cycle when you have chronic pain which actually affects the nervous system and these feed off of each other and it is hard to break the cycle. Through nerve medication, biofeedback, and of course pain medication I am slowly learning how to plan my days and know my limits.

I am slowly learning more about this disease, how often it goes undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and untreated. I believe God wants us (those who suffer with chronic pain) to be able to sympathize clearly with others experiencing chronic pain as well and sometimes pain in general. My sister had a confirmed diagnosis of FM and Lupus (an auto immune disease) years ago. Maybe these type of disorders and diseases have more in common and more is being discovered everyday about them. To my lovely sister, I owe the biggest apology, I have not always been as sympathetic as I should have been. I have not forgotten that there are a lot of chronic conditions out there that are far worse than this one and this story will not make mine nor their pain disappear. But there is always hope and healing in sharing a story, it’s a gift of love; To say what sometimes is the only thing that can be said. “I understand your pain and I am here for you”.

These statements are not intended to diagnose or treat any illness and you should always contact a physician. There is much information about what these two conditions are and are not and most of which is contradictory to one another. If you search the Internet there is much to learn, but you must take all information with a grain of salt and as always talk to a professional.

Glory be to God: Eileen (Celeritycat)

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